Five things to say to a friend whose job sucks

Recently a good friend of mine sent me one of those ubiquitous "Top 5 Reasons" stories. It was something to the effect of "Top 5 Ways to Know It's Time To Quit Your Job." I thought the story should be filed in the "Thank You Ron Obvious" folder. I responded that people would be better served with useful advice like "how to survive your sucky job until you can get another one" or this: 

Five things to say to a friend whose job sucks

Just because the economy is reportedly improving, doesn't mean everyone is able to immediately find new or more satisfying work. And for those with spouses, family and good friends who are disenchanted with their jobs (i.e. 99 percent of the adult population) here are five new platitudes to deliver when you are told "My job sucks so hard and I can't get out of there fast enough":

 1. "I'm sorry." Then stop. Let your friend vent. Nod occasionally or make other "yes-I'm-listening" signals and wait it out until the diatribe is over.

 2. "Man, I'm really sorry." Then stop. Let the person cry, shout expletives and defame his or her boss as a cock-sucking asshole worthy of the 11th circle of Hell.

 3. "Oh dear, I AM very sorry." Then stop. Let your loved one apologize for making you listen to his or her endless rant-a-roos about their horrendous situation. Toss in an occasional: "That IS gawd-awful. You are so better than that."

 4. "Dude, I'm extra sorry. That sucks." Then stop. Gaze into their eyes and give them that "yeah-I-get-it-but-I-still-love-you-and-lets-move-on" look.

 5. "Whoa. I didn't mean to be patronizing. I really do care. Let's go to DQ or get liquored up." Stop. Let your friend begin the litany again if necessary because you really do care and that's what friendship is all about, you bitch.
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I'm happy to report these five tips actually worked. My friend was amused. (Unless he's off writing "5 Things to Say When Your Friend Is a Bitch.")